Wednesday was the last day of the semester for me, and the last final. Handed in 2 papers the night before, put off the habitual nightly glass of red that had been getting me through the studying thus far, and got 8 hours of sleep. I woke up on the right side of the bed, and made my way to the neighborhood espresso bar. I sat myself down, opened my stats notes, and settled in with a double americano. I'm about 5 minutes into one-way within subjects ANOVAs, when the door opens, and what do i hear? the unmistakable chronic cough of SIDEKICK! red philosophy notebook in hand, he settled into the table next to mine. I remembered him once saying in class that he has that disease where he doesnt remember faces, so i hoped that he wouldnt remember mine, and slumped into my scarf a bit more, acting studious.
A few moments latter, a gaggle of middle-aged women, in their best sweat suits (designer sweats is something i have never and will never understand. oh, and anyone wearing anything with the words "pink" or "juicy" scrolled across their ass should be ashamed. but i digress) descend on the table next to Sidekick, and greet him. In fact, EVERYONE in the cafe greets everyone! What is going on here? It's 9am on a wednesday! Don't you people have to work? What do you do with yourselves? well, interesting that I should ask because I learned a LOT about my neighbors over the next 4 hours.
The women, hair coiffed, diamonds sparkling, set in to talking about the one woman's (let's call her "pack leader") annual holiday party. This party is apparently the thing to do in highland park if you are anyone who is anyone. She is late getting the invites out so she is handing them out in person to her friends in the cafe. The invitations are traditionally some kind of puzzle, a riddle, a bit of trivia. To gain entrance into the party, you have to provide the correct response. Exclusivity at its best, I think. I would like to impose this same rule to new friends, strangers in bars, graduate students: get the right answer, you get the right to talk to us.
The group then began reminiscing about parties past. The party is in it's 4th year. The first year, 2 married couples showed up, and one spouse from each couple ended up falling for eachother, and as a result, 2 marriages ended and 1 new relationship was formed. I know- ridiculously perfectly ABC drama!
Then, year 2, the homeowners went to bed to find one of the sconces that is usually attached to the wall above the jacuzzi tub (dont you all have sconces above your jacuzzi tubs?) torn down. Meaning it was used. For balance. While someone was in the tub. With someone else. got it? The group didn't know who were the culprits. Fugly (there was one fat ugly one) asked if anyone declined the invite for the next year? No, PL (pack leader) responded, no one turned us down the next year. Then Sidekick wanted to know, who RSVP'd the fastest for the next party? hmmmm, PL would look into that!
Then PL told the group about catching her teenage son smoking pot on the back patio while she was home. She kicked the son's friend out of her house for 6 months and grounded the son- neither of whom could believe that mom actually knew what weed was, or how one behaved when one had been smoking it. 6 months later, druggie friend was allowed back in the house and what falls out of his coat pocket 5 minutes after he arrives? Yep, you guessed it! So he was again banished. One of the gaggle wanted to know what she did with the baggie of weed? PL said she told druggie friend to take it and never come back....cause she knew if he left it, she'd smoke it! Rounds of giggles erupted.
Around this point, the young, strapping mail carrier, easily 10 years the gaggle's junior, came in. He sat at a table across the aisle from the ladies, and proceeded to read his paper. And by "read" I mean, "flirt". They all did. All these women kept having reasons to go talk to him, he knew them all by name. It was an episode of desperate housewives unfolding before my eyes! I wondered who was sleeping with him. Someone must be. Maybe he knows what happened to the sconce?
I wonder if I will ever be like this? Will I ever not go to work? I can't imagine, but who knows. Maybe Ill have kids, maybe Ill stay home. Im pretty sure Ill never wear designer sweats. These women aren't stupid. They are obviously creative, and I have to hand it to them, relatively hip. Sex in bathtubs at holiday parties? That's pretty great! (and to those of you who's holiday parties I have attended this year, or will attend, don't worry, your sconces are safe with me). Is this the best we can hope for? Maybe work, maybe stay at home, smoke the occasional bit o' weed and then joke about it over scones, annual parties,too much chardonnay, affairs with the mailman. Maybe thats GOOD. Maybe that IS the life right there! They've had kids, they are, for the most part, in decent shape, and seem to be having a great time. I tend to think life ends at conception. My life, that is. I go through these phases of home-bodiness and think, "oh, i could be a parent, WE could be parents!" and then we plan some vacation, or stay out far too late and I think- oh my gosh! Will it all be over? Before I start hearing about it (you know who you are), It isn't even about offspring- take the kid part completely out of the equation- are the best years slipping by us RIGHT NOW? If I dont go to India THIS YEAR have I missed out? What if I never go? And Greece- we keep wanting to go to greece! But then the transmission in the car dies, and you have to buy a new one, and there goes the Greece money, or the whatever whatever.
Approaching 30 makes for an interesting paradox of emotions. You have a house, not too many close friends have kids, you go to work, you host dinner parties....that still sometimes turn into michael jackson dance parties. And I guess there really is no reason that the same life can't keep continuing. At 18, I didnt think, how should I be at 30? So why, near 30, do I think- how should I be at 50? Every decision I make doesn't have to be so calculated...or does it? The rest of it has happened so organically, why do I think the next 20 years won't as well? Everything does, after all, happen for a reason.
Part 2 of this story- lifestyles of the....will arrive sometime soon. To talk about the "other" side. Delete HP manses, insert deadbeat dads and so on. All courtesy of our used car dealer, from the backseat of the camry, as we test drove around the snowy streets of Pittsburgh.
as the great bugs bunny cartoon one said, "hmmmm, monsters are such INTERESTING people....."
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