Free at last?

Today was my first official day of not pumping at work.  I say "official" because there have been a few days of not pumping, or pumping only once because some unexpected meeting came up, or I left work early.  But this day marked the first day I purposefully left the pump at home.
After biting me while nursing yesterday morning (yes- collective shriek allowed), Mathilda cried every time it was time to nurse.  She would snuggle in close, then arch her back, cry, and end up putting her little hand in her mouth, a pleading look in her teary eyes.  She felt bad for biting, bad for making me upset. I could see she was confused, hurt, and overwhelmed.  It was so incredible to witness her experience such complex emotions.  The result was that Reggie gave her a bottle.  And I didn't pump.  No big deal.  I had been down to an output of 2-3oz per day, and was starting to think that the proverbial juice was no longer really worth the squeeze.

I felt naked today. I practically skipped down the street, encumbered only by my purse (read: duffel).  No longer having to make room on my lap on the crowded bus for my bag and pump so some fatty could squeeze into the seat next to me. It was odd, this non-sherpa existence.  No parts to wash at home, no bottles to label and freeze.

Free?
Definitely.
Happy?
Maybe.  A bit nostalgic.  Funny cause I always hated that pump. One milestone behind us.  For now, I will still nurse in the morning and at night, before bedtime.  In 2.5 months she'll forgo her bottle entirely for cups of cow's milk. The thing about passing milestones at this age is that there's always another incredible moment to witness right before your eyes.  Only seconds available to process the end of a [short] era.
"Mama" she says, looking at me.  Then she lifts her sippy cup, takes a drink of water, drops it on the floor, and laughs.