I don't know what has happened to my brain. Maybe I've been bragging too much about how I haven't felt "pregnancy brain" or that oft reported discombobulation and general absent-mindedness that supposedly comes along with these 10 months. Bragging is apparently bad and will bite you in your ass. Well, bragging won't bite, but you know what I mean.
Over the last 2 weeks I have had pregnancy aphasia. Semantic paraphasias, I believe they are called (yes, Im a speech-language pathologist, just not the kind who knows anything about speech or language). I keep substituting words for other, kind-of-related words. Like the same part of speech (nouns for nouns), just not remotely correct. And I'm also dealing with terrible word-finding issues. It's like my mind goes blank, and the word is right there on the tip of my tongue, but I can't access it. I've been forgetful, scattered, unable to focus, and tired ALL the time. All of this was relatively comical and easy to shrug off, until the events of last weekend (after the car accident- I KNOW!).
I've been food nesting. I've started buying in bulk, cooking extra portions and freezing them, cleaning out the fridge. Food nesting. This nesting led me to the delicious frozen pizza aisle in Trader Joe's. You've never had their frozen pizzas? oh- you are missing out! So good! Perfect size, creative flavors, and about $5 each. I bought 13. I know. Reg tried to stop me, but there was no stopping The Food Nester. 13 frozen pizzas. For the deep freeze, I declared! He acquiesced, tolerated the looks from the checkout girl, and helped me lug them home with the rest of our groceries.
Into the deep freeze they went. That was last Friday. Sometime on Saturday I decided that we needed to conserve more energy, so I started turning down the thermostat, unplugging lamps we rarely turn on, etc. The treadmill in the basement must be sucking up tons of power even when not in use, it's from the early 90's! So it too got unplugged (I can barely walk on it anyway without fearing I'm going to drop a baby on it, so it can stand to be shut down).
Today I made 20 black bean burgers and 4 dozen oatmeal-chocolate-raisin cookies to freeze (well, half of the cookies will be frozen. obviously.). Down to the deep freeze I cart my cookery. I throw open the lid AND.....warm. not cold. not frozen. warm. With 13 thawed pizzas. 13 ruined pizzas. They weren't even fridge-cold so I could safely give them to friends to eat. Apparently I didn't unplug the treadmill, I unplugged the freezer and somehow, with my millions of trips to the basement prepping freaking cloth diapers as a writing break between comps chapter edits- I didn't notice the SILENCE and LACK OF ORANGE "ON" INDICATOR LIGHT coming from the freezer. I had just sent Reg to the store for king-sized bags of frozen peas and corn! What did I do? I cried. Yep, for the second time that weekend, I cried. Then binged on yogurt with raisins. So weird.
I think I'm ready to be done. No brain, no commonsense, major academic deadlines approaching, and Im binge eating plain yogurt with raisins and crying over the loss of my mushroom flatbread single serve delight. 34 days left to go, if she's "on time" (Ie- if she's a Gillespie. If she's a Rehak- 35 left to go but probably 3 days of labor. If she's a LaFond, 44 days left to go. So since she's a Gillefond- we can estimate about 38 days, right?).
Oh, and the title of the post? I haven't measured my waistline since becoming pregnant, and after being shocked by the full-length sideways mirror view I got in yoga last Sunday, I decided to see how big 'round this little lady had made me. 42". I have a 42" waistline.
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