first father's day: a tribute

What is your first memory of your father?  I'm not sure what mine is- I have memories that I think just come from photos I've seen.  I remember playing plastic-bat baseball in the backyard of our first house, I would probably have been about 3.  And I remember my dad waking me up to take my mom to the hospital when she was in labor with my brother. I was almost 5 years old.  I remember him singing lullabies to me, Beatles songs- Rocky Raccoon, in particular.  A few solid memories in my first five years.  I have a great relationship with my father.  There were, of course, obligatory adolescent rocky years, but I am really happy we are the people we are, with the relationship that we have, today.  He is a great dad, and already a wonderful grandfather to Mathilda.

at a Steelers game, fall 2007

I got to thinking about my earliest memories of my dad while watching Reggie with Mathilda.  He is beyond phenomenal with her.  He alone can get her to sleep when she's fussing (something I equally love and envy).  She curls up into her bean pose, puts her little head on his broad shoulder, as he slowly waltzes up and down our galley kitchen, softly singing to her. La Vie en Rose, or dream a little dream of me.  He has, literally, never-ending patience.  I don't know how he does it.  When she cries in the night, he offers to go soothe her before I have even opened my eyes or registered it is my child screaming.  He is the absolute definition of co-parent.  It took two to make her and it is definitely taking two to raise her.  There is no "mom only" job.  Mathilda's love for her father is already evident.  She beams when he walks in the door after a day of work- showing her infectious lovable smile meant directly for him.  On the days when she is particularly fussy, or crying a lot, and I am counting the seconds til he comes home, he has never once complained about being handed a fussy baby before both feet are even in the door.  He is happy to see her.  He is happy to see me, which is a miracle in and of itself as half of the time I'm un-showered, and maybe haven't brushed my teeth.

But I've digressed from my first question.   The first memory of your father.  Mathilda's first memory will likely not be of these late night waltzes, of walks around the block, la vie en rose, or the goofy conga dance he does to make her giggle.  Her first memories may not even be in our little house, or our Pittsburgh urbansuburban life.  It makes me a bit sad that she won't remember these moments.  However, I think they are being woven into the fabric that is her.  Her relationship with her father from the moment he held her in the operating room will become part of who she is.

Next year for father's day, she will be able to color a card for him, make a cherished homemade gift.  This year, he got dirty diapers and a 9pm crying fit.  I know that he would say that it is worth it.  Happy first father's day!