Response post

The responses to and about my post on my decision to begin giving Mathilda formula along with breastmilk have been so incredibly empowering and overwhelming, that I felt they needed their own dedicated post.

A few examples: A dear friend confided that she had been dealing with a lot of guilt and stress over her inability to pump.  Her body easily nurses her baby, but she produces next to nothing with the pump.  She ended up compromising with formula for daycare and nursing for home.  A family member I'm lucky to call a friend sent such great words of encouragement.  She told me of her own feelings of inadequacy when she chose to stop pumping.  She wrote of feelings of guilt at giving her child what had been so instilled in her as, frankly, garbage.  Then, and perhaps most importantly, she talked about how she felt liberated to pack up the pump, and how wonderful her daughter was then and is now. A male friend gave heartwarming support of what I wrote, and my documentation of the not-so-pretty sides of motherhood, in general. Relatedly, and with no goading on my part, a patient openly told me how she nursed her first until he was 3 years old but was unable to nurse her infant twins at all, which was next to devastating for her.

I am still feeling guilty, but the support of these individuals has been incredible.  There are so many jokes, "out goes the baby, in comes the guilt."  It's difficult to not second guess.  If only I had talked to her daycare sooner; if only I had thought to call the lactation consultant earlier.  Not to mention the nearly incessant barrage of formula=bad from sources I know mean well and are just trying to stick up for the breastfeeding among us.  I'm giving the kid a bottle of formula a day, but it is hard to not feel like I'm letting down my fellow mamas, not to mention myself and my own mothering ideals.  To add to my guilt, Mathilda has developed a rash on her face and neck, I was sure could be due to the only thing that has changed in her life- formula.  Oh God, I'm hurting her, what have I done??  A quick trip to the pediatrician's walk-in clinic confirmed, no, it's just dry skin.  Worry much, Amanda? And then, in a wonderful example of the universe's perfect timing, I read this great story today through a twitter feed, on the thin line between supporting breastfeeding moms and shaming those who use formula, for any reason.

I have a great friend who says she's distrustful of extremism of any kind.  I have to say that I agree.  I do stand firm in my urging and support of moms the world over to give nursing a try.  A little drop of colostrum goes a long way! And I will still be very vocal about society's odd reactions to nursing (like did you know that photos of breastfeeding are flagged on facebook as obscene?  ridiculous). 

Chalk it up to another learning experience- it is important as mothers to reach out to our sisters and brothers in parenting.  Believe it or not, you probably aren't the first to go through whatever it is you're going through!  Not to be a debbie downer, but if we shared our fears as much as our photos, maybe we'd all be better off.

Not that I'm above sharing more photos....

no pants! (green diaper!)

Thanks, everyone, for your words.  Quite powerful they are!